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May. 15th, 2010 @ 10:57 pm
I thought this journal was over for me. Two weeks ago I found out the cancer is back. I am just as terrified as I was before...if not moreso. We can't seem to find out where the primary lesion is...lung? pancreas? a bastardization of the weird breast?

I am scared

He's baaaaaaaaaaack! May. 8th, 2009 @ 11:41 am
Last night marked the arrival of the happiest damn bird in the world. He has shown up before and I am pretty sure I have complained RIGHT HERE IN THIS SPACE about him.

Dick seems to think he is a mockingbird, but those don't usually START singing at 10 p.m. and SING ALL NIGHT LONG! At about 3 a.m., I gave up and went into a bedroom across the hall and shut the door because his perch is in the tree right outside our bedroom window. At 7:15, when I left for work, he was still singing.

One of my work mates suggested he was a whippoorwill but I know the sound of that bird. This one has a repertoire that ranges from a hairdryer to a freaking marching band. He trills, he shrills, a makes swooshy sounds...holy cow, I just don't even know how to describe it all.

Dick asked me this morning if I wanted him to buy a BB gun. FOR ONE SPLIT SECOND....I thought that might be a good idea, but dammit...the bird sings with such joy, he sounds so freaking happy. In the light of day - like right now - I think about it, tell people about it, and it is kinda cute and funny.

Dear Lord....PUHLEEEZE let him be quiet tonight!

things I learned in Washington May. 5th, 2009 @ 10:56 pm
In my dotage I have become a political activist. I went to Washington DC to lobby for two bills important to the Komen Foundation. Being the fashion plate that I am (not) I didn't take anything that was appropriate.

I took spring-like clothes - and it was cold as hell. I took fashionable, but supposedly comfortable shoes (not) that were just a tad too big. We walked hundreds of miles and I had blisters where the shoes rubbed. I could have changed my name to Fanny Feet-hurt.

However, it was a wonderful trip. I got the opportunity to visit the office of the Majority Whip of the House, talk passionately about saving lives through cancer early detection, treatment and research, went to three different houses of the Smithsonian, and met some wonderful people.

Then I got back on Friday evening - went to a Kentucky Derby party; Saturday - paddled in a Dragonboat Festival and got a fantastic fake tattoo; Sunday - served communion at church; Monday - went back to work.

Our son Tommy told me I was too busy to be old. Don't you just love that???


I'm such a fashion plate Apr. 3rd, 2009 @ 11:19 pm
Several years ago my sister sent me a really pretty lacy jacket. Iloved it and wore it over a plan black dress to a wedding. Only later did she tell me it was actually a beach cover-up and we have shared many laughs about this....with her and her youngest daughter.

Last week, she sent me a black dressy-thing. She called me and told me she had bought it in the lingerie department of Sears and it was a short night gown. She told me her daughter said, "Oh Lordy...Sista will probably wear this to a wedding, so be sure to tell her it is NOT a dress."

So today, I put it on with my pearls, pink pashima (I'm not sure that's the right word, and my sexy shoes. I got Dick to take a picture of me and I sent it to my sister and her daughter with this message. "Thank you so much for the dress! This is a picture of me getting ready to go my friend Lindsey's wedding. The dress goes so nicely with my pink pashmina (or whatever) and my fancy-dancy shoes." I let my sister in on the joke, but can't wait to hear what my neice thinks!


The fish miracle Mar. 4th, 2009 @ 12:52 pm
Saturday before last Dick and I decided to clean out the aquarium. Prior to doing this he took a sample of the water to a local aquarium expert and found out that it was entirely toooo acidic. The expert recommended that we change out half the water and put some of this stuff that he sold him into it.

At the time, we had only six fish...having killed the last 25 that I bought, including two pleikos, which cost about $3.00 each. All the rest of the fish were purchased for between 19-21 cents. We had four small hardy fish and one big Daddy...at least seven to eight inches long. He had been with us for about two years, having cost only 15 cents at purchase.

So we emptied half the water out of this 70 gallon tank, changed all the filters, put in the magic stuff, then refilled the tank. Sunday, I went to church, came back and dammit! Big Fish was swimming upside down. I burst into tears as our youngest son, Tommy, walked in behind me. I tearfully explained that I had managed to probably kill the darn fish..swimming upside down with his mouth wide open could NOT be good. Well, you know what, boys do not like to see their mamas cry. He became a bustle of energy. "We'll just empty the tank and refill it again," he suggested. "No, No," he said. "Give me a bucket and I'll take him to the pet shop." I think he might have done fishy cpr if I hadn't calmed down. Finally, he put a sheet over the aquarium so I couldn't watch this fish in his throes of death.

For a week he swam upside down. Tommy came by every other day to check on him and tell me tidbits he had picked up from researching fish that swim upside down. The fish would also float up to the top and lie lifeless next to one of the filters. Dick would go to get him so we could bury him (he's way to big to flush), but the moment he would touch the fish, the darn thing would start swimming.

Three days ago, he began swimming upright, opening and closing his mouth the way fish should, and looks fairly normal...whatever normal is when you are a big 15cent fish. I think we have had a miracle.

Disappearing entries Mar. 3rd, 2009 @ 03:16 pm
Someone told me that people I write about might be identifiable, so I have hidden many of the entries until I can weed through them and make sure I am not embarrassing people by their association with me, or even worse, violating any privacy laws.

I am going to try today to re-read and make sure this is not happening...then keep hidden those entries that are suspect...and re-publish those that are not.

There are too many funny, quirky things happening in my life and I just have to write about them. So read at the risk of your own peril!

Feb. 8th, 2009 @ 11:06 pm
I took half an Ambien about twenty minutes ago, so I should go to bed. If I don't I might eat, drink, or drive and never remember it the next day. Only kidding, I haven't driven. But Lordy I have eaten and I did drink.

What happens is after I've taken the Ambien, I wanderr into the family room and begin to watch inane television shows that I have dvr'd - such real classics as Underdog to Wonderdog, or another prize winner, Hell's Kitchen. Oh, Oh, and when I really get nuts, I'll dvr American's Top Model and watch the Biggest Loser at the same time, allowing myself to see anorexia and malignant over-eating together. Some times I doze off and wake up and I am ravenous. One night I ate 12 cookies and drank a beer. I hate cookies and I'm not real fond of beer. Last night I ate a bag of popcorn. Dear Lord.

After I finish this latest chapter of True Confessions, I think I will get in my bed and start my book. I don't do this crazy eating much, but enough to have gained back the 27lbs I lost during chemo....not the best diet to go on.

I know I'm lucky to be alive, but chemo and cancer suck:
a. My hair did NOT come back as pretty as it was
b. I can't drink Diet Coke or Pepsi because it STILL tastes like nails
c. Meat STILL tastes like dog-poop
d. My implant seems to be wandering to the left.
e. I still don't sleep worth a shit - even with AmbiaN
F. I wish someone would come and buy this house.

WHINE, WHINE, WHINE, WHINE..........but I think I might feel better.


I have no business there.......... Jan. 4th, 2009 @ 10:12 pm
In the late 90's, I got to be in my first adult play - no, not porn, but the first time I had ever done any acting other than in theatre for children. Conveniently enough, the plays were done on the Isle of Palms, at a local bar, The Windjammer. We were part of Pluff Mud Productions and we presented really quality theatre with an amazing group of talented actors, some of whom grace the local Charleston stages and have gone on to perform professionally in other locales.

About a month or so ago (time flies when you're having fun - or when you're old), Dick mentioned that we ought to have a Pluff Mud reunion. We passed the idea on to a local favorite, Butch Sullivan; mentioned it on e-mail to a few other Pluff Mud alumni and the ball began to roll. I set up a Facebook account and started searching there along with my first director and exquisitely talented, Steve Lepre.

Facebook became fun and then I realized that I am probably the oldest person on this site...however, I have come across many of my friends and quite a few old friends that I value greatly, but sort of went out of my life. Steve and I met and he gave me a bunch of the programs from our Pluff Mud adventure and I started looking for people who were in casts and on crews and I actually found a few. Then I found a name and contacted this person about the reunion. I got a message back - "idk this." This was an immediate clue that this was NOT the person I was looking for. This person probably wasn't even BORN in the late nineties. And I was right. I sent a message further explaining the reunion and she let me know that I was definitely barking up the wrong tree. I have dishwashing sponges older than her.

I know I definitely have no business on Facebook (or My Face, as one of my friend's honey calls it - which brings up a whole new set of images!), but Lordy I am enjoying kibitzing with this glorious group that had fallen out of my life.

idk why it is so much fun, but it is!

December 26th Dec. 26th, 2008 @ 12:20 am
We are 20 minutes into December 26th. About a hundred years ago it was the night before our wedding. We had met in mid-June - and we were babies, me less than 18 months out of teenage and Dick about 36 months out. He and his best friend, Eddie showed up at my apartment to see one of my roommates, Bunny, who had incredibly large and shapely breasts. Fortunately, she was out on one of her many dates, so they were stuck with me....until my date arrived.

By the time my date arrived, I had figured out there was something special about this dark-haired guy with such a twinkle in his eye and such a sexy aura. So, I convinced my date, who drove a Lincoln or some big car - but pre SUVs, that they were Bunny's cousins and really should hang out with us. My date, whose name was Freddy, was a nice guy so we all piled into the car-as-big-as-a-house along with my other roommate and just rode around.

By September, I was hooked. We went to Virginia Beach a couple of times and early in that month, after some dancing and drinking, I proposed to him on the beach. He didn't remember it the next morning, but I did....I remembered I had proposed, I can't remember his answer, so I improvised...and he believed me. We set a date for his Christmas break, still a little hungover and probably too stupid and horny to really think about the risks we were taking.

Both sets of parents were shocked. My mother-in-law thought I was pregnant, and MY mother was afraid that I was. So we hastily pulled together the wedding of the century - suffice to say the pipe organ broke, my father-in-law tripped over the cord to the portable organ and unplugged it in mid Lohengrin, the photographer did not take the lens cap off for any of the photos at the church, and the caterers continued cutting the lowest layer of cake and it fell over. And that is just a partial list of the major disasters. There is a whole 'nother layer of drunk fraternity brothers weeping out loud during the ceremony, and my father forgetting where he had parked our car.

By those omens, a betting man would not put much money on this marriage lasting. We had known each other seven months, we owned two cars, two footstools, and a host of blankets and other wedding gifts. Dick was in his last semester at college, I was $40 overdrawn at the bank and I was the one with the job. We lived in a three room house, I couldn't cook and had no domestic skills - Dick actually taught me how to knit from reading a book and I threatened to tell all his beer-drinking buddies if he pissed me off. And here's another kicker...I worked nights (yes, 11p.m. to 7 a.m.) as a brand new RN in charge on a 38 bed unit with a nurses' aide as my only co-worker.

We have sort of grown up together and I still adore him and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. We have had some really rocky times - my inability to bear children; his incredible work ethic that often drove me crazy; moving to SC when my heart really wanted to stay in Virginia; a house fire thanks to Morelli Heating and Air (known as the "Problem Solvers") and I haven't forgiven them for that; Hugo; sons who have made some really good and really bad decisions; and cancer.

We have definitely lived in interesting times, but we have also been extremely blessed. We have so many incredible families. Our blood families. Mine is mostly in Virginia and they are quite wonderful. Dick's family reaches from Virginia westward to Arizona. His family reunions look like the Rainbow Coalition in colors, creeds and sexual orientation. I love that! Our immediate sons, daughter-in-law, grands, etc. We also have Dick's work family, my work family, our church family, his worship-at-the-church-of-the-holy-golf-ball-church family, our theatre friends, our island friends and our Dragonboat Charleston friends.

So, our many families - sometimes borne out of pain - more than make up for any perceived disasters that have happened in our lives. I would not trade one piece of furniture, artwork, clothes or whatever for one minute I spend with these friends. We went to a Dragonboat Christmas dinner tonight. Where else would I have been able to put a paper crown on my head, light candles with a loving friend, put them in the swimming pool, and cool my feet (and in the same moment, cool my hot flash) on December 25? Lordy, I'm blessed!



It's the suit Dec. 20th, 2008 @ 03:36 pm
A Christmas Story is playing at the Village Playhouse and at the end of each show Santa Claus comes out and has any children in the audience sit on his lap or he visits with those too shy to approach the stage. Keely and Dave own the theatre and are very dear to us, but I found out today how much Dick loves Dave - perhaps as his own son. Dave asked Dick to play Santa Claus at the matinee today.

We have Dick's golf party tomorrow, so there was much to do around here and in the yard - trim, poop patrol, mow, etc., and I don't do that. Thank God any insect bite sends me into an anaphylactic reaction, so I have a good excuse. I couldn't believe Dave talked Dick into the job...Dick, who does not 'do' theatre...Dick, who truly needed to clean up the yard. But, he agreed.

I was selling nekkid calendars at the Farmers' Market this morning, so I ran by the theatre before Dick made his debut, gave him a kiss, and watched as Dave began getting him dressed in his Santa suit. Dave and Keely's youngest, Piper, knows us well and watched as Dick was being transformed. As did another young child in the show. As soon as the costume was complete, Piper climbed into Dick's lap to tell him what she wanted for Christmas - having seen him as Dick Glave not fifteen minutes before. The other little fellow did the same.

Dick is still telling me stories about what the children said. Apparently American Girl dolls are big for the ladies and BB guns (about which the show revolves) are big with the guys. Other questions included, "Was Santa ever a baby?", "How old is Santa?", and "Does Santa wear glasses?" (Dick does).

He was definitely a reluctant Santa, but I know secretly he enjoyed it. And as for the magic - it is definitely in the suit!
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